The do’s and don’ts of helping someone with hoarding disorder
It can be difficult to know how to approach helping a loved one who hoards. They may not realize their behaviour is potentially unhealthy or dangerous, or they may know but feel uncomfortable addressing the situation with others. The following are do’s and don’ts of supporting a loved one with hoarding disorder.
The do’s
While your loved one may experience the desire to hoard throughout their life, there are steps you can take to help someone experiencing hoarding disorder reclaim their space and improve their mental well-being.
When providing support for hoarding disorder, do:
- Encourage them to seek professional help. Therapy is considered the first-line treatment for hoarding disorder. You can encourage your loved one by helping them find a therapist and other resources in their community.
- Take the time to learn about hoarding disorder. Doing research on hoarding can help you understand the reasons your loved one may be keeping excess items and give you an idea of how best to support them. Look for credible sources like the Mayo Clinic, the American Psychological Association, and the Anxiety And Depression Association of America.
- Help out if they ask for assistance with their belongings. During or after receiving professional treatment, someone experiencing hoarding disorder may seek your assistance in managing the accumulation of clutter in their home, car, and other spaces. Help when you can or consider arranging for professional movers and cleaners to do the work if the task becomes too daunting.
- Listen to them and remain empathetic. Hoarding disorder is a mental illness that is not the fault of the individual experiencing it. Try to provide compassion and emotional support to your loved one and avoid viewing them only in terms of this mental health condition. Hoarding is not something a person chooses to do. Your support and openness can encourage your loved one to seek professional treatment more than judgment or criticism.
- Recognize progress. Hoarding doesn't happen overnight, and it likely won't be solved overnight. Encourage and praise your loved one if you see them attempting to clean or organize a small space or making the decision to talk to a professional. You can provide helpful motivation that may help them get on track and make meaningful progress.
The don’ts
If your loved one is experiencing hoarding disorder, they may feel extreme distress at the idea of getting rid of their possessions. This can make it challenging to address their behaviours in a tactful and effective manner.
When providing support for hoarding disorder, don’t:
- Remove things from their home without consent. It may be tempting to try to clean up your loved one’s space, but that could lead to severe emotional distress at the idea of losing valuable or important items. Throwing things away or getting rid of them without permission may exacerbate the feelings and behaviours the individual exhibits.
- Expect the cleaning process or the healing process to happen overnight. It can take a long time for someone experiencing hoarding disorder to get to the point of having a house that is unsafe, and it may also take a long time to change both the environment and the behaviours that caused it.
- Enable their behaviour. While you may not want to see your loved one experience distress, adding to their clutter by buying or giving them things or taking them on shopping trips can be problematic. Instead try to provide support in other ways (e.g., spending time doing activities not related to consumption).
- Clean up after them. Organizing the space of someone experiencing hoarding disorder could keep them from addressing the deeper concerns that are leading to their behaviour. If they choose to clean up, you can help them do so.
- Expect perfection. As with many behavioural challenges, someone experiencing hoarding disorder is likely to experience setbacks even after receiving professional treatment. Try to remain understanding and continue showing them love and support during their journey.
When trying to support someone who hard issues with hoarding, or if struggle yourself, it is important to always be kind to yourself or the person throughout the whole process. Being angry with yourself or a friend or loved one will only cause further frustration, and a likelihood that the issue will not move forward in a positive way.